we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You ruined the universe
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
