very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize