Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
