my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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