thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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