I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
