How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
