hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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