i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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