What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
