guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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