The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
