I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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