you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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