U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
