Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize