Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
