No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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