she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
