did you get engaged???
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
