Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
