So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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