in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
