with your own penis?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How's work?
Spinning.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
