i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
