First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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