Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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