He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
