I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
