Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
