Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize