What did we do last night that was yellow?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
