Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
