i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
