i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
