dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
