is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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