she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
