My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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