are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
