I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
