I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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