allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
