chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
