I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
