you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
