Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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