is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
