thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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