No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
