i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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