marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
