one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
