I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
