I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
