i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
