im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
