I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
