Me. At least after what I've been through.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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