Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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