The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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