I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she smelled like a LAN party
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
