what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I lost the right to judge tonight
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
