seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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