First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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