also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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