Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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