He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
