That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
