All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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