rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
