this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
