He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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