I think I died a long time ago.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
