I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
